A heart that loves is always young. ~ Greek Proverb
Today, we all want our children to love and feel loved. However, it is our responsibility to also help them grow into resilient young adults. The caring adults in children’s lives develop resiliency through:
- being empathetic. Empathy does not imply that you agree with everything your children do, but rather that you attempt to appreciate and validate their point of view.
- communicating effectively and listening actively. Communication is not simply how we speak to others. It involves actively listening to our children, understanding and validating what they are attempting to say and responding in ways that avoid power struggles.
- accepting our children for who they are and helping them set realistic expectations and goals. Acceptance does not mean letting children do whatever they want or not setting limits on their behaviour. However, when children feel accepted, it is easier for them to respond to requests and limits.
- helping children recognize that mistakes are experiences from which to learn. Resilient children tend to view mistakes as opportunities for learning while those who are not hopeful often experience mistakes as an indication that they are failures. Children need to learn to accept the consequences for their mistakes and learn from the experience.
- helping our children experience success by identifying and reinforcing their areas of competence. True self-worth and resilience are based on children experiencing success in areas of their lives that they deem to be important. Each child has different interests and talents that take time to develop. We need to promote strengths rather than overemphasizing weaknesses.
- developing responsibility, compassion and a social conscience by providing children with opportunities to contribute. We often try to reinforce responsibility simply by giving children chores to do at home. However, almost every child from a very young age appears motivated to help others so providing opportunities to contribute to charities and outreach work is very enriching.
- teaching our children to solve problems and make decisions. Adults must be careful not to always tell children what to do but rather try to engage them in thinking about possible solutions. When children develop their own plans of action with guidance, their sense of ownership and control is reinforced.